Cain
has written a remarkable book that is both thoroughly researched and beneficial
not only to introverts but to extroverts as well. While Quiet is not a biography, Cain uses
many biographical references juxtaposed with psychological studies to support
her argument that introverts are overlooked, oppressed even, in Western society despite having just as
much, even more in some cases, to offer than extroverts. Of course Cain is writing subjectively being
an introvert herself. However, she does
not use the book as a platform to bash extroverts. She contends that extroverts and introverts
both have much to offer and rather than societies favoring one personality type
over another there needs to be partnership between both. She argues that in current Western mentality,
extroverts are exalted while introverts are viewed as weak or lacking in
character. According to Cain, this
painfully overlooks the fact that there is strength in the quiet
introvert.
In
her introduction Cain writes about the partnership of Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr., “Parks herself seemed aware of this paradox, calling her
autobiography Quiet Strength—a title that challenges us to question our
assumptions. Why shouldn’t quiet be
strong? And what else can quiet do that
we don’t give it credit for?...Take the partnership of Rosa Parks and Martin
Luther King Jr.: a formidable orator refusing to give up his seat on a
segregated bus wouldn’t have had the same effect as a modest woman who’d
clearly prefer to keep silent but for the exigencies of the situation…Yet today
we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to
be happy is to be sociable. We see
ourselves as a nation of extroverts—which means that we’ve lost sight of who we
really are“(Pg. 2-3).
The
book is divided into four sections: 1) The Extrovert Ideal; 2) Your Biology,
Your Self?; 3) Do All Cultures Have An Extrovert Ideal; 4) How To Love, How To
Work. In the first section Cain demonstrates how extroversion has come to be
the standard for Western society. Cain
convincingly argues that the rise of the Extrovert Ideal began with Dale
Carnegie. She writes, “Carnegie’s
metamorphosis from farmboy to salesman to public-speaking icon is also the
story of the rise of the extrovert ideal…America had shifted from what the
influential cultural historian Warren Susman called a Culture of Character to a
Culture of Personality…when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans
started to focus on how others perceived them.
They became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining” (Pg.
20-21). Cain also shares stories about
attending a Tony Robbins Unleash-The-Power-Within seminar and visiting Rick
Warren’s Saddleback Church to further support her contention of the Extrovert
Ideal.
Cain’s
distaste for the Tony Robbins seminar and her experience with Saddleback Church resonate with me—I
completely indentify with her! I feel
like these kinds of institutions are pushed upon us by society and Cain
convincingly argues that while these institutions may be good for extroverts
they are not the best environments for introverts to thrive and our western
society would be much better served if this was recognized resulting in more
introverted-friendly institutions or environments.
Having
established that the West lives within the paradigm of the Extrovert Ideal,
Cain looks at the psychology and science related to extroversion and
introversion in the second section. The
studies that Cain presents are both enlightening and fascinating. It was interesting for me at least to learn
that evidence suggests that 40 to 50 percent of introvertedness and
extrovertedness is genetic (Pg. 108). I
was relieved to learn that a third to half of Westerners are introverted. Moreover, the fact that introvertedness can
be tied to genetics gave more credence to the fact that I am normal. Finally, as a quick aside to this section if
one is not familiar with the life of Eleanor Roosevelt the brief, yet
fascinating, biography found at the beginning of chapter 6 alone makes Cain’s
book worth purchasing.
In
the third section, Cain looks at Eastern cultures and shows that
the Extrovert Ideal is not universal. In
this section she spends time interviewing Asian students from Harvard’s
business school and high school students from a public school system in
California. Cain writes, “Individuals
in Asia see themselves as part of a greater whole—whether family, corporation,
or community—and place tremendous value on harmony within their group. They often subordinate their own desires to
the group’s interest accepting their place in its hierarchy. Western culture, by contrast, is organized
around the individual” (Pg. 188-189). If
there is one area that lacked research in this book this would be it—her
research seemed to be limited to those from Eastern cultural backgrounds
residing in our Western culture. It
would have been interesting to read about a more thorough discussion of firsthand
experience with Eastern cultures.
The
fourth section can be best summed up in Cain’s words, “Probably the most
common—and damaging—misunderstanding about personality type is that introverts
are antisocial and extroverts are pro-social.
But as we’ve seen, neither formulation is correct; introverts and
extroverts are differently social” (Pg. 226).
Cain also argues that there is a time for introverts to put on an
extroverted face, she writes, “Yes, we are only pretending to be extroverts,
and yes, such inauthenticity can be morally ambiguous (not to mention
exhausting), but if it’s in the service of love or a professional calling, then
we’re just as Shakespeare advised…’To thine own self be true’” (Pg. 210).
At
one point in the book I wrote in the margins, “When you boil it down this book
is essentially about relationships.” Of
course no one is a pure introvert nor a pure extrovert but all of us are going
to lean one direction or the other and fall on different points along the
spectrum. Cain’s book has helped me realize
that if we are more sensitive to these leanings we can be more productive as a
society and more importantly we can have more meaning in our lives because our
relationships will be deeper.
Frankly,
this book spoke to me. For my whole life
I have struggled with the fact that I am a “quiet” person and very
introverted—not necessarily shy but, yes, introverted. I was frustrated that I did not fit what
seems to be the norm for our society.
After reading Cain’s book I am both thankful for who I am and much more
comfortable with who I am. For the first
time I believe that I have a lot to offer not in spite of my introvertedness
but because of my introvertedness.
Moreover, this book helped lessen my animosity toward extroverts because
I no longer need to be envious of them and this will allow me to approach them
in love and community. I would recommend
this book to anyone and everyone!
I
received this book free from WaterBrook Multnomah for the purposes of this
review.
