Quiet Speaks Volumes

Cain has written a remarkable book that is both thoroughly researched and beneficial not only to introverts but to extroverts as well.  While Quiet is not a biography, Cain uses many biographical references juxtaposed with psychological studies to support her argument that introverts are overlooked, oppressed even,  in Western society despite having just as much, even more in some cases, to offer than extroverts.  Of course Cain is writing subjectively being an introvert herself.  However, she does not use the book as a platform to bash extroverts.   She contends that extroverts and introverts both have much to offer and rather than societies favoring one personality type over another there needs to be partnership between both.  She argues that in current Western mentality, extroverts are exalted while introverts are viewed as weak or lacking in character.  According to Cain, this painfully overlooks the fact that there is strength in the quiet introvert. 

In her introduction Cain writes about the partnership of Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “Parks herself seemed aware of this paradox, calling her autobiography Quiet Strength—a title that challenges us to question our assumptions.  Why shouldn’t quiet be strong?  And what else can quiet do that we don’t give it credit for?...Take the partnership of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr.: a formidable orator refusing to give up his seat on a segregated bus wouldn’t have had the same effect as a modest woman who’d clearly prefer to keep silent but for the exigencies of the situation…Yet today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles.  We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable.  We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts—which means that we’ve lost sight of who we really are“(Pg. 2-3).

The book is divided into four sections: 1) The Extrovert Ideal; 2) Your Biology, Your Self?; 3) Do All Cultures Have An Extrovert Ideal; 4) How To Love, How To Work. In the first section Cain demonstrates how extroversion has come to be the standard for Western society.  Cain convincingly argues that the rise of the Extrovert Ideal began with Dale Carnegie.  She writes, “Carnegie’s metamorphosis from farmboy to salesman to public-speaking icon is also the story of the rise of the extrovert ideal…America had shifted from what the influential cultural historian Warren Susman called a Culture of Character to a Culture of Personality…when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceived them.  They became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining” (Pg. 20-21).  Cain also shares stories about attending a Tony Robbins Unleash-The-Power-Within seminar and visiting Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church to further support her contention of the Extrovert Ideal.

Cain’s distaste for the Tony Robbins seminar and her experience with  Saddleback Church resonate with me—I completely indentify with her!  I feel like these kinds of institutions are pushed upon us by society and Cain convincingly argues that while these institutions may be good for extroverts they are not the best environments for introverts to thrive and our western society would be much better served if this was recognized resulting in more introverted-friendly institutions or environments.

Having established that the West lives within the paradigm of the Extrovert Ideal, Cain looks at the psychology and science related to extroversion and introversion in the second section.  The studies that Cain presents are both enlightening and fascinating.  It was interesting for me at least to learn that evidence suggests that 40 to 50 percent of introvertedness and extrovertedness is genetic (Pg. 108).  I was relieved to learn that a third to half of Westerners are introverted.  Moreover, the fact that introvertedness can be tied to genetics gave more credence to the fact that I am normal.  Finally, as a quick aside to this section if one is not familiar with the life of Eleanor Roosevelt the brief, yet fascinating, biography found at the beginning of chapter 6 alone makes Cain’s book worth purchasing.    

In the third section, Cain looks at Eastern cultures and shows that the Extrovert Ideal is not universal.  In this section she spends time interviewing Asian students from Harvard’s business school and high school students from a public school system in California.  Cain writes, “Individuals in Asia see themselves as part of a greater whole—whether family, corporation, or community—and place tremendous value on harmony within their group.  They often subordinate their own desires to the group’s interest accepting their place in its hierarchy.  Western culture, by contrast, is organized around the individual” (Pg. 188-189).  If there is one area that lacked research in this book this would be it—her research seemed to be limited to those from Eastern cultural backgrounds residing in our Western culture.  It would have been interesting to read about a more thorough discussion of firsthand experience with Eastern cultures.

The fourth section can be best summed up in Cain’s words, “Probably the most common—and damaging—misunderstanding about personality type is that introverts are antisocial and extroverts are pro-social.  But as we’ve seen, neither formulation is correct; introverts and extroverts are differently social” (Pg. 226).  Cain also argues that there is a time for introverts to put on an extroverted face, she writes, “Yes, we are only pretending to be extroverts, and yes, such inauthenticity can be morally ambiguous (not to mention exhausting), but if it’s in the service of love or a professional calling, then we’re just as Shakespeare advised…’To thine own self be true’” (Pg. 210). 

At one point in the book I wrote in the margins, “When you boil it down this book is essentially about relationships.”  Of course no one is a pure introvert nor a pure extrovert but all of us are going to lean one direction or the other and fall on different points along the spectrum.  Cain’s book has helped me realize that if we are more sensitive to these leanings we can be more productive as a society and more importantly we can have more meaning in our lives because our relationships will be deeper.

Frankly, this book spoke to me.  For my whole life I have struggled with the fact that I am a “quiet” person and very introverted—not necessarily shy but, yes, introverted.  I was frustrated that I did not fit what seems to be the norm for our society.  After reading Cain’s book I am both thankful for who I am and much more comfortable with who I am.  For the first time I believe that I have a lot to offer not in spite of my introvertedness but because of my introvertedness.  Moreover, this book helped lessen my animosity toward extroverts because I no longer need to be envious of them and this will allow me to approach them in love and community.  I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone!

I received this book free from WaterBrook Multnomah for the purposes of this review.