FAMILY TIME IS QUALITY TIME

This weekend Helene and I participated in a surprise party for my uncle Terry’s 60^th birthday.  My uncle Terry grew up in a home with five brothers and one adopted sister who had Down syndrome.  Terry was the youngest with my dad being the second youngest.  Currently, four of the six boys live in relative proximity to each other in the Frederick, MD area, with one living in Georgia and the other living in Florida.  Since Terry would be the last one to turn 60.  Josh, Terry’s son, organized a surprise party and arranged for all of the brothers to be there.  I have to say that it was a privilege to make it to the party.

First, a little background though.  It was not long after Helene and I started dating that she met my dad and his girlfriend Joni.  I honestly believe that Helene is the only woman I have ever been romantically involved with that my dad genuinely likes, and Helene genuinely likes my dad too.  As a result I began spending considerably more time with my dad and Joni after I started dating Helene.  In other words, being with Helene has somewhat forced me to be more involved with my family.  At the beginning I may have begrudged this change a little.  However, I now cherish my time with family and this includes me uncles and aunts.

Back to the party -- toward the end of the evening the six brothers began to reminisce about some childhood stories.  These stories always prove to be very entertaining!  I could never replicate any of these stories in writing—you just have to be there for them!

Around 11:00 pm, my uncle from Georgia and his wife piled in Joni’s pickup with my dad, Joni, Helene and me to head back to my dad’s.  I was really tired and looking forward to going to bed.  However, there would be more reminiscing with my dad and Jim when we got back to my dad’s, after the ladies immediately headed off to bed.  I had the thought of calling it a night as well, but it was such a great day that I decided to stick it out a little longer and learn a little more about my family history—ever since junior college I have loved history and what can be more fascinating than one’s own family history?

While the story telling at the party was overwhelmingly jocular in tone, it was much more serious at my dad’s.   I would learn that most of what my father learned about his father, he learned after his father had passed away.  I had always thought that my dad had a pretty good relationship with his father.  Sadly, this was not the case.   My father’s dad struggled most of his life with alcoholism and would end up leaving this world as a direct result of his drinking.  My dad shared with us about how he refused to follow his father’s example when it came to alcohol—a vow that my dad kept and for which I am thankful.

My dad also shared about his experience at his dad’s funeral.  I remember my dad saying, “There were all these people that just came out of the wood work.”  As one of the youngest boys, my dad had not known his father before drinking became such a big part of his life, and as a result did not know many friends of his father’s.  It turns out that before alcohol took its toll on my grandfather he was one of the most giving men that you could ever meet—he would literally give you the shirt off his back.  Moreover, he was incredibly gifted with his hands and could fix just about anything.  If he heard of a friend or a friend of a friend that needed something fixed he would drop what he was doing to help them out.  Those people that “came out of the wood work” were some of the people that he had helped over the years.

Another really sad story that my dad shared with me, one that I had actually heard once or twice before, was how my grandfather grew up.  He had one younger brother who was favored by his parents.  For a long time my dad knew that his father was a high school drop-out, but he never knew the reason why.  Again, after my grandfather passed away, my dad learned that it was his father’s parents that took him out of school to go to work so that he could finance his brother’s college.  My grandfather’s lack of education would not have an effect on his gift with words though.

My grandfather served in the Army during WWII.  During this time he would write numerous love letters to his wife, my grandmother.  One of my uncles has most of these letters.  My dad has read some of the letters and says that he could not come close to duplicating the emotion and love that his dad had for his mom.   According to my dad, “He was very gifted with words.”

While it is incredibly sad to think about the effects that alcohol had on my grandfather and his children, I could not help but reflect that night on how fortunate I am to be able to spend time with my dad and discuss serious things as well as just be goofy together. 

My dad and I for a long time have been avid whitewater enthusiasts.  In late May into early June of last year I had a week and a couple of days that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  My dad and I got to drive across the country together, well almost—From Washington DC to Idaho.  We then spent a week with friends of Helene and me rafting and kayaking the Middle Fork of the Salmon River.  On our return trip to DC, my dad and I visited the Crazy Horse Monument, Mt. Rushmore, The Badlands, and some other amazing places.  In more ways than one I am sure this trip would have never taken place had Helene not been a part of my life.  For example, those organizing the trip were mostly her friends and had we not been dating I would not have been spending as much time with my dad.

I believe that one of the reasons that God gave her to me was for me to connect with my family more—to show me that family is important and that we are called to connect with them.  I heeded this call and I am truly blessed because of it!